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You made a fool of me, but them broken dreams have got to end.
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Jul. 1st, 2006 @ 09:41 am YAY!
Current Mood: excitedexcited
My husband comes home for good this month! Super excited!!!
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Jun. 12th, 2006 @ 03:09 pm Woah an update!
Current Mood: draineddrained
I haven't posted in here a while. Okay make it a loooong while. The past couple months have been incredibly hard for me, in more ways than one. I got sick back in August with what at the time I had no idea. There were good days and bad days but nothing was persistant. Few days were horrible. I'd get these horrible pains and bloating and distention among other things after I ate. ER doctors had no answers except to go see a gastroenterologist. So almost two months ago after another "episode" followed by another CT scan, I end up at the gastroenterologist's office and finally an answer. So I have IBS. They don't know where it comes from or how one seems to get it, but certain factors trigger it more than others. It's treatable, not curable...so far (I hope to God one day it will be). I have to watch my stress levels, can't eat chocolate or drink coffee among other things. I've had to learn the differences between soluble and insoluble fiber. They did a few more tests which has now officially landed me a colonoscopy on wednesday. I'm probably one of very few 22 year olds who get this opportunity before the age of 50. On top of that, I never get periods. We're in the process of correcting that. And with my husband being deployed (though back now in Korea) it was just all too much at once, expecially since school was still more than full time. I've been depressed from the combination of everything. My weight dropped alot. I couldn't tell the difference between people being concerned, critical, or overly concerned to the point that they thought I was a basket case. Not sure really. Problem with all of that is I care what other people think way more than I should. But now my husband's back, with the medicine I've started feeling better, I'm moving to Washington in a month (state not DC) to finally be with my husband. I think that's the one thing I really need is to just be with him. He can't make it to my graduation, which I'm slowly starting to be okay with I guess. But it really can only get better from here. And I can finally be a wife already!
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Apr. 26th, 2006 @ 08:39 pm Holy crap!
Current Mood: contentcontent
Britney Spears is preggo AGAIN! I feel sorry enough for her first son...GEES.

On another note, tomorrow marks 5 months since Josh and I got married. It's hard to believe it's been that long already. He'll be back in June. He's still amazing. I'm one of the luckiest women ever. Seriously. Seperation just sucks...but I've been dealing a little better.

Somehow 10 months ago I managed to get sick and stay sick on and off still today. It's been getting frustrating and hard at times. My grades have even slipped a little, but I may be finally getting some answers soon as to what's going on. It's been a long time coming already.

Besides that, I'm going to the gym now. Should be cleared out by now anyways :)

Love you all!
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Apr. 12th, 2006 @ 09:48 pm Oi.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
My mother has pretty much made it very clear that she does not want grandchildren. I have no idea why either. It's like having kids just burnt a huge hole in her life, or just flat out destroyed it. Either way, she seems to say something to me everyday about not getting pregnant. Like tonight, with me being sick recently and her telling me that the nausea I feel now will be consistent for 6 weeks when I get pregnant and that's a good enough reason to not have children.

I'm mean really...FUCK OFF ALREADY!

I mean my husband's one of the sexiest men alive...who would not want to have his children??!
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Mar. 5th, 2006 @ 12:31 am Time flies...
Current Mood: happyhappy
I know it's been a while. I've been so busy. I can barely keep my eyes open now as it is.

I just got home from Atlanta on wednesday and my first plane rides ever and I get to do it again now on the 9th. It surprises me how much I loved flying. Atlanta or rather 'Hotlanta' was just awesome...except the seminar part...which I slept through because I was up every morning till almost 3. But I'll have to go into detail later. My husband now calls me 'Mrs. Party Time.' I was out every night except for one. I only got toasted one night. They're still laughing at me about the white zinfandel not being 'white.' That and about how I thought when my ears started popping on the plane that we were changing atmospheres. You'll have to forgive me I didn't take earth science. So I had a few moments. It happens.

But this thursday I will be flying out of Norfolk to go see my husband for a few days who's flying into Nashville because he's unexpectedly getting deployed :(
I feel like it was hard enough the first time, but with school and everything, the last thing I need is to be stressed even more than I already am. Korea is hard enough...the dessert is totally something different. I miss him so much as it is and now my phone time is seriously going to be cut back. It honestly sucks.
But through all the frustration, I do get to see him for 4 days and 5 nights and I couldn't be more excited! I just am still adjusting to being an army wife, that's all.

Oh yes, my husband and I had our first little spat over the phone about a bill. Not about not having enough money or someone spending too much...just about how it was going to get paid. I'm sure that seems silly, but I always had my ways of doing things and he has his ways of paying bills...and needless to say he won. I must be getting weak lol.

I got my very first speeding ticket on thursday. 16 over. So now I get to go to court. I've seen so many cops out lately though that it makes me wonder if it's quota time...cause the last guy let me go...granted I don't think he was going to give me a ticket anyways, but still. This guy was like 'liscence, you were 16 over, I'm gonna go write youa ticket.' End of conversation. So yeah. Oh well. Like mom said, lesson learned. I was driving the Camry though, now I'm back to the truck. They ride totally different. I'll have to watch my speedometer next time.

Well I'm headed to bed. I've got to do laundry and pack tomorrow. Done some great site seeing though lately. Atlanta one week, Nashville this week. Can't beat that!
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Feb. 19th, 2006 @ 04:32 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: contentcontent
You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!
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Feb. 11th, 2006 @ 04:48 pm My husband says I don't update anymore.
Current Mood: calmcalm
To be honest I just don't have the time. I've been sick all this week. It's been a bummer in some ways but a bit of a break in others. We've been back in school going on 6 weeks now. Kinda hard to believe. Heck I've been married for 6 weeks now. And I miss him like you couldn't believe.

I don't have Spring Break for another month yet, but in two weeks I'll be leaving for Atlanta, so opportunity for a break is there, it just involves a lot of business in between. I'm hoping the first day we get down there we'll just go ahead and go to the aquarium. I think by the last day I'll have had enough meetings and such that I won't want to do much. Sean booked us a nice hotel, fitness center and all. I'll be satisfied. I'm staying with my two girls of course. Two of the nights there, there's supposedly going to be dances and such. My guess is one night I'll be dragged out bar-hopping (we got good at that last year) or just out to eat or something. Best part is, this costs me nada. I even get $100 when I get there for food and other necessities. Well, ok, roundtrip plane ticket cost me 5 bucks. Dammit! But this will most likely be one of the last BIG things we all do together. And Pam copped out on us, so Tim's going to 'babysit' us. Right.

My incredibly sexy husband is incredibly busy like I am, but I think at this point it's what's keeping us going. We can't stand being apart from eachother, but I do have to finish up things here and he does have to finish some things there. I didn't know until a few days ago that if I did move to South Korea with him we'd be stuck there an extra year. But I'm so proud of him, just for everything that he does not only for me, but just everyone. He's so intelligent and hard working. I wish they'd give him a bit more of a break sometimes because he needs to get out a little more. I think he's only gotten out like 3 times since he's been back...granted I've only gone out like 4 or 5 times myself, but having downtime gives one an opportunity to think and be bummed. Atleast it works that way with me. I'm grateful for the talk time we do get, and I know I'm incredibly spoiled. I don't know anyone else who's married that gets as spoiled as I do, and we're half a world's apart. I mean Josh just bought me a laptop with some accesories. I wonder what I do to deserve all of this. My husband's birthday gift is still in my dad's car waiting for me to wrap it and mail it. I got the Valentine's day card out way before the birthday gift and his birthday is a day before Valentine's Day. I'm trying here lol. But really, just having my husband is good enough for me. We're just both incredibly lucky that at our ages we're doing as well as we are. I've always been worried about how financially I would end up starting out in a marriage one day, but with us I have no worries at all. I've been told I technically don't have to work because Josh can support me, especially since the government pays us basic housing allowance now...which is way more money than I've ever made a month so far...except the first month I started working because I was out of school, but still. But I still am going to work atleast 1 day a week because that money pays my gas and groceries, and if I go out to eat with the girls. That and I'm too independent not to work and be a bum. I like the idea of saving. Especially since I'm going to be moving in a few months.

Speaking of when I graduate, I've already decided that I'm going to do something to celebrate...so I've talked to Josh and I think we're either going to go back to Gatlinburg and go whitewater rafting, or go on like a 7 day cruise to the Carribean. I'm going to go to Chile someday...a cruise around South America would be awesome, except they take like 30 days. I was doing some research today and the military discount for a 7 day cruise on Royal Carribean cruiseline was only like $450 a person. That's freaking cheap! So we'll figure something out whenever certain dates panout and such. We're still waiting on homecoming dates and Warrant Officer and Flight School stuff to go through. My husband is going to be a pilot. Impressive? Yeah I think so.

So we'll be living in either Tennessee (which I'm really excited about since I fell in love with that place during me wedding/honeymoon) or Alabama. Either way, we'll be together, which is something I think we've both had to wait long enough for at this point. We deserve it.
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Jan. 28th, 2006 @ 08:28 pm I guess this thing is working again...
Current Mood: busybusy
So yeah been a while. I've been extremely busy and if not busy quite frankly I've been sleeping. Just with school and everything and Josh being gone I've been in a funk. It's been harder than I thought it would. People haven't been kind about us getting married, why I don't know...it seems to stem from everything including 'she must be pregnant' to 'you're too young' to 'you didn't tell anyone? You're parents must have been so mad!' to 'well with him being in the military I hope you know what you're getting into' to the one comment someone said to me the other day that I really think hurt the most. I've really been down ever since. This woman doesn't really even know me, so I don't know how she based a judgement on one conversation I had with my friend Paul when we had an encounter downtown over the summer. I mean Paul's 38 and we get along great, as our most of my friends...just older by some years. But Christy wanted to see my wedding photos so I brought them in to work, and by the time I got there everyone left. But this lady in the file room asked to look at them and just literally started jumping down my throat. It was like beyond odd. But she, like many asked how old I was because she thought I was like 16. Any idiot knows that in a medical profession you have to be atleast 18 to be employed by a hospital unless your job doesn't consist of patient relations. But she says, "Oh you got married?! How old are you? You seem a bit immature to be married." And here I am in shock with the word immature ringing in my mind wondering how she made such a conclusion about myself. I've never had anyone tell me in exception of my mother that I'm immature. Actually far from. Everyone tells me I act way older than my age. And to be honest I took it personally. I mean yes I laugh and joke around with my coworkers and friends all the time but immature? It stung. On friday my department director approached me about what I wanted to do when I graduated and what modality did I have an interest in and I told her CT and I had no idea if I'd be staying local or not yet (everyone knows Josh is in the army, I just haven't been specific on leaving because I don't want to lose my PRN position...I have a feeling I would if they knew). But she said when I graduate to come see her about a job position. My third job offer. And the third one I can't take. But for a 22 year old who hasn't graduated yet and has been offered 3 jobs, I think I'm a bit far from immature, especially to a woman 30 years plus my senior who works in the damn file room...take that beyotch.

For the most part Josh and I have finished assorting what we needed to get done before he left. I loved having him with me here and I truly do miss him, but for the time we weren't in Tennessee relaxing and enjoying ourselves on our honeymoon, we were so busy. I feel like I just want to be held and relax for a few days. School is alot right now...infact I was was lead on to believe by one teacher that this semester would be a breeze. I already fear I've failed an exam. I've had 5 in the past week and a half, and one was on 17 chapters. I'm still battling dropping Blair's monday night class, but I wonder if I'd regret putting it off for the summer course. I just don't know.

I may or may not be going to South Korea in the middle of June. We've discussed it, just not to the length or extent I think we need to yet. But I have so much going on prior, so it makes it a little difficult. Heck I'll be in Atlanta in a month. I found out today be doing a little research that the hotel Sean booked for us has a fitness center, so I doubt I'll be out bar hopping with the guys. But Kelly and I are going to the aquarium, that's harmless though lol. I've been trying to get back into my routine of doing things on a daily basis, but it's been hard. I've lost interest in my normal activities because I'm always too exhausted and I ache alot. I'm scheduling a physical hopefully for this or next week so I can find out why I feel so horrible.

Speeking of doctors, I went out with my friends last night and we were discussing over Mexican food certain things when Kelly brought up the fact that she used to have endometreosis and had a laparoscopy and has no problems since. I've put off a laparoscopy for over a year now. I believe it's been a year and a half actually. To be quite honest they weren't positive if I had it or not, but wanted to try a laparoscopic surgery to make sure. I thought about it and forgot about it...or put it into my unconscious because the idea of surgery scares me. But Kelly said it was nothing and I really should just go ahead an do it. I still don't know what to do. I have so many other bodily issues for some odd reason that adding one more just seems like a totally crappy idea. But when Josh came home and everything happened I pretty much knew that something was up and I ought to reconsider. I'll probably discuss it with a nurse practitioner or something. I know this is a priority, especially if I want to have children and I do. And since my husband and I have agreed for me to stop taking the pill, I'm going to need to get those peanut oil pills to restart a cycle anyways and start charting so I have an idea of how my body works off the pill. I've been on birth control since I was like 17 I think...I didn't have periods but twice a year because I was so physically active. It will be intersting to say the most. I'm wondering if I can have someone from work who's maybe on call on the weekends check me out under sonography to see where my ovaries still stand and such. I really just want to go and talk to Cindy about everything. It makes life easier. It's kind of funny though when you realize you have no idea how your reproductive system truly works because it's been controlled by a synthetic pill for so long. The best part about coming off though, my weight should go back down...granted I weigh 107...but the fat comes off so much easier without the pill because of the extra progesterone being gone. I figure if I ever go back on the pill, I'll ask about a low dose estrogen verses both hormones. That way maybe the weight won't come with the birth control.

I'm going to clean now since my grandparents are coming tomorrow. I just love being kicked out of my room you have no idea.
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Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 11:46 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: happyhappy
You know no matter what obstacles people want to throw at me recently, I really can say that I have the best husband to pick me back up and strengthen me. It's good to have a man with such confidence. I truly have never loved anyone like I love him. After the many conversations we've had over the years, I still wonder why I didn't let myself see him sooner. But God works in mysterious ways, and I wouldn't change a thing. I had to go through a few lessons in life before one person made everything make sense. He is gone for now yes, but when I graduate in 6 months, we won't have to be apart like this any longer. Maybe someday I'll get to visit South Korea. We'll see.

BTW, pictures soon. Just not now I have homework to finish.
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Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 09:22 am (no subject)
Current Mood: blahblah
Okay so where did my husband go???

I'm going back to bed. I've done nothing but sleep all weekend. Whatever I caught, you don't want it. I can't function.
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