So yeah been a while. I've been extremely busy and if not busy quite frankly I've been sleeping. Just with school and everything and Josh being gone I've been in a funk. It's been harder than I thought it would. People haven't been kind about us getting married, why I don't know...it seems to stem from everything including 'she must be pregnant' to 'you're too young' to 'you didn't tell anyone? You're parents must have been so mad!' to 'well with him being in the military I hope you know what you're getting into' to the one comment someone said to me the other day that I really think hurt the most. I've really been down ever since. This woman doesn't really even know me, so I don't know how she based a judgement on one conversation I had with my friend Paul when we had an encounter downtown over the summer. I mean Paul's 38 and we get along great, as our most of my friends...just older by some years. But Christy wanted to see my wedding photos so I brought them in to work, and by the time I got there everyone left. But this lady in the file room asked to look at them and just literally started jumping down my throat. It was like beyond odd. But she, like many asked how old I was because she thought I was like 16. Any idiot knows that in a medical profession you have to be atleast 18 to be employed by a hospital unless your job doesn't consist of patient relations. But she says, "Oh you got married?! How old are you? You seem a bit immature to be married." And here I am in shock with the word immature ringing in my mind wondering how she made such a conclusion about myself. I've never had anyone tell me in exception of my mother that I'm immature. Actually far from. Everyone tells me I act way older than my age. And to be honest I took it personally. I mean yes I laugh and joke around with my coworkers and friends all the time but immature? It stung. On friday my department director approached me about what I wanted to do when I graduated and what modality did I have an interest in and I told her CT and I had no idea if I'd be staying local or not yet (everyone knows Josh is in the army, I just haven't been specific on leaving because I don't want to lose my PRN position...I have a feeling I would if they knew). But she said when I graduate to come see her about a job position. My third job offer. And the third one I can't take. But for a 22 year old who hasn't graduated yet and has been offered 3 jobs, I think I'm a bit far from immature, especially to a woman 30 years plus my senior who works in the damn file room...take that beyotch.
For the most part Josh and I have finished assorting what we needed to get done before he left. I loved having him with me here and I truly do miss him, but for the time we weren't in Tennessee relaxing and enjoying ourselves on our honeymoon, we were so busy. I feel like I just want to be held and relax for a few days. School is alot right now...infact I was was lead on to believe by one teacher that this semester would be a breeze. I already fear I've failed an exam. I've had 5 in the past week and a half, and one was on 17 chapters. I'm still battling dropping Blair's monday night class, but I wonder if I'd regret putting it off for the summer course. I just don't know.
I may or may not be going to South Korea in the middle of June. We've discussed it, just not to the length or extent I think we need to yet. But I have so much going on prior, so it makes it a little difficult. Heck I'll be in Atlanta in a month. I found out today be doing a little research that the hotel Sean booked for us has a fitness center, so I doubt I'll be out bar hopping with the guys. But Kelly and I are going to the aquarium, that's harmless though lol. I've been trying to get back into my routine of doing things on a daily basis, but it's been hard. I've lost interest in my normal activities because I'm always too exhausted and I ache alot. I'm scheduling a physical hopefully for this or next week so I can find out why I feel so horrible.
Speeking of doctors, I went out with my friends last night and we were discussing over Mexican food certain things when Kelly brought up the fact that she used to have endometreosis and had a laparoscopy and has no problems since. I've put off a laparoscopy for over a year now. I believe it's been a year and a half actually. To be quite honest they weren't positive if I had it or not, but wanted to try a laparoscopic surgery to make sure. I thought about it and forgot about it...or put it into my unconscious because the idea of surgery scares me. But Kelly said it was nothing and I really should just go ahead an do it. I still don't know what to do. I have so many other bodily issues for some odd reason that adding one more just seems like a totally crappy idea. But when Josh came home and everything happened I pretty much knew that something was up and I ought to reconsider. I'll probably discuss it with a nurse practitioner or something. I know this is a priority, especially if I want to have children and I do. And since my husband and I have agreed for me to stop taking the pill, I'm going to need to get those peanut oil pills to restart a cycle anyways and start charting so I have an idea of how my body works off the pill. I've been on birth control since I was like 17 I think...I didn't have periods but twice a year because I was so physically active. It will be intersting to say the most. I'm wondering if I can have someone from work who's maybe on call on the weekends check me out under sonography to see where my ovaries still stand and such. I really just want to go and talk to Cindy about everything. It makes life easier. It's kind of funny though when you realize you have no idea how your reproductive system truly works because it's been controlled by a synthetic pill for so long. The best part about coming off though, my weight should go back down...granted I weigh 107...but the fat comes off so much easier without the pill because of the extra progesterone being gone. I figure if I ever go back on the pill, I'll ask about a low dose estrogen verses both hormones. That way maybe the weight won't come with the birth control.
I'm going to clean now since my grandparents are coming tomorrow. I just love being kicked out of my room you have no idea.